Posted in Sex & Romance, Uncategorized, writing tips

How not to write…Wedding Thank You Notes

Thank you wedding note

The big day; you wept, you laughed, you ate your own weight in canapes, but this is it, all those months of planning have finally come to an end and you’re left with the love our your life, a banging headache and some serious red bits from your two weeks in the sun.

Thankfully you still have all those lovely presents to unwrap.  The joy of discovering your third gravy boat and the dodgy fertility candle from Aunty Clarissa.

It was reported that Meghan and Harry delayed their honeymoon to help Prince Charles celebrate his 70th birthday, but in reality, they were faced with the daunting task of writing a bucket load of thank you notes.  Just think, 600 guests, including Elton John, George and Amal Clooney and the Beckham’s let alone HRH The Queen. That’s some serious repetitive strain injury for the newlyweds.

But what do you do when too are faced with the mammoth task of writing your thank you’s:


  • Make it personal and tailored to the recipient.  Keep notes as the gifts arrive (we love a spreadsheet) and try to write the note as soon as you get the gift. 
  • Try to include some notes on how you’re going to use it, look at it, play with it.  A simple, ‘Thank you so much for our soup tureen, George is already planning a gorgeous butternut squash concoction for this year’s Halloween party’. 
  • Write and thank guests if they’ve given you money.  A simple statement of how you’re going to use it, i.e. towards the Honeymoon, scuba lessons or our brand new lawnmower will make it feel more personal, useful and gratefully received. 
  • Include a thank you for attending the wedding, or a so sorry you couldn’t make it. 
  • Remember to write to those who were in the wedding party or gave support and assistance, even if they didn’t give you a gift.  They helped you have a memorable day and start you out on married life. 
  • Get them written.  Etiquette states within two weeks, but anywhere up to three months is fine.  Write a few each night and you’ll be through them in no time.  


  • Tell the gift giver that you’ve exchanged or returned their present.  Yes, you may have swapped your third toaster for a bedside lamp but your guest doesn’t need to know this. 
  • State how much money your guest gave you, just a ‘Thank you for your generous gift’ and plans on how you are going to use the cash will suffice. 
  • Forget to thank your hosts, or anyone who helped pay for the wedding.  This is normally parents, so even if your mum was overbearing and your dad embarrassed you on the dancefloor, be generous, rise above it and thank them for their contributions.  We recommend you wait a few weeks, perhaps after the honeymoon to write these notes as time, space and beautiful romantic sunsets can help ease the tensions of the last few months. 
  • Ramble on.  There really is no need to wax lyrical about how beautiful the ‘unique and interesting’ pottery pig is.  Rule of thumb, if it’s longer than the back of a postcard then think again. A swift, personal thank you sent in a timely manner is better than an A4 page of insincere drivel four months later. 
  • Think this is down to your partner to do.   Take it in turns to write the notes. This is a  joint effort, like your marriage. You both had guests, you both need to do your share.  Forget bad handwriting, poor spelling or a total disinterest. Get on board and get it done.
Posted in Home & Domestic, writing tips

How Not To Writte… A Note To Your Flatmate


If you’ve ever lived in a flatshare, student halls or a communal house, then you’ll be VERY familiar with the situation of your food ‘mysteriously’ disappearing in the night (and your flatmate being equally mysteriously covered in crumbs the next morning).

So when someone steals your cheese, or nibbles on your leftover sausage (Ed: easy, tiger!), we all know there’s only one course of action to take – and that’s writing a hugely passive aggressive note to your food-snaffling flatmate on your own choice of brightly coloured Post-it.


  • Calmly express that you wish to discuss the current ‘missing food’ situation, without any accusations being thrown about, with a view to reaching a mutually agreeable compromise.
  • Express in clear terms which item, or items, of food you believe they are ‘misappropriating’, how much said foodstuff cost you and how much you were looking forward to that last slice of leftover frittata.
  • Offer to buy said items for them in the weekly shop, so you can both enjoy the taste experience without any ill feeling – as long as they come up with some spondoolies to cover the cost of having to re-buy the item.
  • Suggest a house/flat meeting to discuss division of food stuffs, and suggest perhaps generic foodstuffs that you both/all enjoys are brought out of a household kitty (the financial kind, we don’t condone using the house cat as a rudimentary .


  • Write ‘You bloody cock womble, you’ve eaten all of my bloody frittata again. Right, that’s it, I’m hiding the loo roll!!!!’ as this will undoubtedly aggravate the situation further (and will also mean you have to carry your loo roll around with you at all times).
  • Change the house Wi-Fi network name to ‘youfrittatastealinbastard’ in a fit of pique and refuse to let the food kleptomaniac know the password. This may well be a great feat of revenge, but will also royally piss of everyone else in the house.
  • Write a vengeful status update on Facebook/Twitter/Insta calling your hungry housemate the spawn of Satan as this will almost certainly be read by a mutual acquaintance who will @mention them, landing you in a whole pile of donkey doo.
  • Forget that food can always be bought again, but that the happy vibe in your house is more difficult to replace…so try to resolve the food situation as peacefully as possible (or wait till there’s something really nice of theirs in the fridge and hide it).