Posted in Social Events, Uncategorized, writing tips

How not to Write … A Hen Do invite

How not to write a hen do invite

The Royal baby has arrived, someone put a big sign up outside Buckingham Palace and some bloke did a shouty thing, but what’s next in the Royal’s event calendar?  No, not the Royal Wedding but Meghan’s hen do, which by royal decree needs to at least rival Harry’s stag in the legendary department. So if like Meghan’s bestie you’re having to invite a load of chicks to an epic bachelorette party, and haven’t a clue where to begin, cast your eyes down for a few tips….

Do

  • Be clear who the bride is (it’s her do, not yours), when, where and what you’re doing. 
  • Plan ahead. For destination do’s you’re going to want to give a few months notice, for local do’s 6-8 weeks, should allow enough time for the attendees to save the date in their diary and make any arrangements they need to. 
  • Pick a theme, if your bride wants one, and apply it to invites, emails and other communications, but don’t over do and keep it tasteful.
  • Feel free to use a pun or two, ‘final fling before the ring’, ‘A drink or two before the I dos’ ‘Party with bride, before the knot is tied’.  Poems are also popular but can be incredibly cheesy, so think about what sort of do your bride wants, and if cheese is ok, then feel free to go the full on gorgonzola. 
  • Be aware of your audience, yes you may all want to go to Magaluf for laughs and Lambrini but Nanna might be happier with a round of golf and a cream tea, so tailor your invite accordingly. 
  • State if there is a dress code, fancy dress etc, and whilst you want to encourage everyone to join in, accept that not everyone will be happy to dress as a sexy nurse or wear pink day glow ‘bride tribe’ t-shirts. 
  • Give locations, directions, maps and details of any and all venues involved.  For local hen do’s check that these can be reached by public transport, or ask guests to car share.  For destination do’s check for reliable and safe transport, including for those that may bail out early.

 

Don’t

  • Assume all hens are female.  The do is for your bride’s friends to celebrate her final days as a single gal, so the invite should include whoever she wants (including male best mate/Man of Honour) and your wording should be gender inclusive.
  • Base the entire invitation round drinking.  Some may not, some may be temporarily abstaining, some may be better off not, unless you want a load of home truths and an upset bride, best stay clear of day long bingeing sessions.  Build in activities and a get out clause for those that want to head off early.
  • Forget to invite your bride.  Often hen nights have an element of secrecy about them, but etiquette is that you also send the hen an invite.  No need to personalise it, the invite you send to everyone else should suffice, after all she’s also one of the group and wants everyone to enjoy themselves.
  • Make every establishment highly expensive, exclusive or swish.  Not everyone will be in the same financial position as the bride, so give some options so people can opt out/retire before it gets too pricey.
  • Forget to put your contact details on it and how and when you need people to RSVP by.  Many organisers set up a Whatsapp or Facebook group, but in the light of the recent Facebook data allegations, please check your settings, ensure its set to friends only and also include an old style phone number. Auntie Doris probably is on Facebook but play safe and give guests a traditional way of reaching you as well.
Advertisements
Posted in Sex & Romance, writing tips

How Not To Write… A Dear John/Jane Letter

dear john

Ah, relationships! What an enigma, wrapped up in a conundrum, they are. As humans, at some point most of us will end up dating someone.

We’ll revel in the heart-bursting intensity of the initial ‘honeymoon period’ of dating, we’ll kick off our shoes and run barefoot through the meadows of romance and (if we’re very lucky) we’ll end up with someone we can settle down with and get into one of those long-term relationship thingies (you know like that co-dependent relationship you have with donuts).

But, let’s be honest, not everyone we date is going to end up being ‘THE ONE!’, as Tupac decided about his one time BAE Madonna.  More often than not, we’ll gradually come to the realisation that our new bae is in fact… well, a dick. It could be the newly acquired knowledge that they admire Nigel Farage, or it could be the fact they’re completely and utterly awful in the bedroom department. But whatever the reason for your change of heart, one thing remains constant…

You’re gonna have to end it!

And you’re going to have to decide on a subtle, tactful, non-heartbreaking way to break the news to them that, actually, they’re not the apple of your eye any longer.

This is where the ‘Dear John/Jane letter’ has traditionally been the get-out clause of choice for many. In this digital age, it needn’t be a written letter, of course – it could be an email, a WhatsApp message or a Skype conversation – but the same principles apply.

Do’s:

Be honest but tactful, be compassionate and thoughtful…

“Dear previous BAE,  

I am so sorry to write this letter to you but whenever we’re together it is difficult for me to express my feelings as I really care for you and don’t want to hurt you. I do hope you understand that this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do ’cause I really do care about you, but unfortunately I don’t think we can see each other any more.

I know none of the clichés will help here but it really is me, not you. I’m just screwed up and I don’t deserve someone as nice as you and you don’t deserve someone as rubbish as me. I will always love you and I hope we can stay friends, but I feel we must end this before we end up hurting each other.

Take care.  xx”

Don’ts:

Don’t feel you have to be completely honest…

“Oi tart face,

You iz a bloody munter alright! Dunno why I slept with you, your technique was fucking shit if you must know. And you know that dance you do, where you think you look so cool? Well, I have news for you – you look like a womble, on speed, at a rave, whose mum is waiting to pick them up! Plus, like… you know, get a trim, have a wash, your downstairs department is like Fred West’s cellar. It stinks, made me vomit and is full of things no one wants to unearth.

See ya minger!”