How Not To Writte… A Dating Profile

So you’ve exhausted the local bars, crochet circle and date recommendations from friends and have decided to plunge headfirst into the world of online dating. But how do you craft the perfect profile that highlights your individual talents/style and gets those emails filling up your inbox quicker than an English stranger mentioning the weather.    

Do

  • Write the profile in the correct way… Be warm, friendly, honest and tell your potential date a little bit about yourself. The idea is to give a snapshot of the type of person you are. Don’t shy away from stating things you feel strongly and passionately about; after all you would want someone who could at least meet you halfway on things that are important to you.
  • Be original, use humour. If you can’t do that, then be honest and sincere.
  • Be positive… (end of, really no argument here, move along please).
  • Say what you’re looking for in a partner, but be prepared to be flexible. You are not looking for someone who matches you on everything you say/do/wear/ingest – you’re hoping for someone who can bring out your best qualities and won’t run a mile at your worst. A smorgasbord checklist of perfect qualities may see you miss out one someone who is just ‘perfect enough’.
  • Write something! Yes we know it sounds obvious but you’d be surprised how many profiles say very little and just come across as a tick list of wants. Potential dates need to have a ‘hook’ to get them interested – profiles with no photo, detail or warmth shout boring, not interested – or worse – player!
  • Keep an air of mystery: it’s half the fun getting to know people. We don’t need your whole life story to start of with, think onions, think trifles, think bricks… yep it’s all about the layers.
  • Be careful with your profile name. Don’t use your real name, or really obscure references and check how the spelling can be interpreted…seriously, HNTW once saw a profile listed as cuminthedog. Yep!

Don’t

  • Post your business CV – you’re looking for a partner not an investor.
  • Men – do not say ‘partner in crime’. Women – do not say ‘knight in shining armour’.  Seriously you’re just inciting a spate of armoury robberies.
  • Don’t have your profile picture of you with your boobs or pecs/penis out and then have the comment ‘Want to be taken seriously/looking for my forever person’. You are quite frankly…a knob.
  • Copy someone else’s profile.
  • Get someone else to write it. It’s ok to use the occasional ‘reference comment’ but if you really struggle with words, just say that on the profile and be nice with, ‘this is really difficult, but um, I’m nice, I hope you’re nice, maybe our ‘nices’ can get together for a chat’.
  • Say you’re looking for friendship and then in your first message ask for their number, invite them to meet your mum or join you in your hotel, so you can ‘show them around the sights’.
  • Denigrate others choices in your profile. HNTW saw a profile that said actresses and models ‘should get a real job’. Please keep this closed mind thinking to yourself, you’ll have plenty of time to weed out the supermodels when they come flocking to your door.
  • Use it as a soapbox to bitch about your ex or bang on about your political ideals, the state of the world, state of Waitrose or state of your deranged mind.
  • Put a timeline on your profile with when a response is needed by. It shows you’re desperate and automatically puts pressure on the other person.
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